dude i'm inner monologue high
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
