oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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