btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
