I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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