no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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