It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
