Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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