I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
