thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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