I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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