Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
