From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
