I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
