I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
