he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
