and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
