She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
