How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
