I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
