remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
