I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
