My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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