This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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