Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize