The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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