hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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