I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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