I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
