Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have peed in a lot of sinks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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