just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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