Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
