Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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