I'm really into asian looking animals
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
