I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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