I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
