No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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