I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
