You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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