Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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