Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
