Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
