I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You can't motorboat a personality
No stitches, just platelets and will power
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
