I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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