drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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