It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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