For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
