I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
