she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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