i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
