It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
