the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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