I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
