I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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