if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
