I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
