I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
