i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
