I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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