If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize