I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
