u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Another day, another engagement, another cat
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
