Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we're so committed to being not committed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
