Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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