apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
