I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
