I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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