Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
