Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
