Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
