You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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