my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
