so let's talk penis.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
